After twenty years of marriage I’ve found myself back into the dating game. Dating feels somewhat awkward but it’s a necessary ingredient in being found by Mr. Right. I’ve learned that people still play games. I’ve noticed that some guys treat dating as if they are playing a chess game. They seem to sit back and strategize on their next move to conquer the game board.
There’s many ways to meet guys but you have to be very careful when it comes to that first date. Do you remember hearing this phrase, “You can make your mouth say anything?” I’ve found out that the words, “I love you,” have several different meaning, can come with conditions and can sometimes carry no substance. I was talking to a spiritual son the other day and he told me that his cousin gave him some relationship advice as a teenager that lines up with our topic. He was told to tell woman that he loved them, regardless of if it was true or not. He said they were in a club and he asked his cousin did he tell the woman he was with that he loved her. The responds was yes, so the next question my son asked was do you love her. The cousin said, “No but he told her that he loved her anyway.”
Sisters, beware of guys that tell you I love you with the wrong motives. I found that praying and asking God to reveal to me the guys motives and intentions towards me is a real time and life safer. God loves us and He wants us to have healthy relationships. We know that God is a healer of the brokenhearted but through prayer some things can be avoided.
Sisters heed the warning signs, if you’re dating a possessive, jealous, constantly arguing, skirt chasing type of guy, someone that belittles, calls you stupid, tells you how dumb you are or how unattractive you are my professional advice to you is to exit these unhealthy relationships ASAP. As women we love to nurture, help people, fix things and people if possible but sometimes we have to recognize our limitations and when the guy needs professional help to overcome his problems. If you’re dating someone with these characteristics (unless the person gets professional or spiritual help from God in the way of deliverance) it can get worse.
I had a family member that dated a guy that was jealous and abusive. Unfortunately she married him and he couldn’t keep a job because he was always on her job. She couldn’t go to the bathroom by herself nor visit relatives without him. He was so abusive that he tried to make her lick up dog urine off of the floor. She lost her job and he had her searching through the dumpsters for food. With the help of concerned loves ones she was able to escape from him and relocate. She was a beautiful young woman that was full of potential. Her life ended in her twenties but before she transitioned to heaven she witnessed the love of God to her hospital roommate.
I found this article on 3 types of Love by Seeker of Truth by Alex that I thought would be helpful. Alex article said, Eros love - known as "erotic love," It is based on strong feelings toward another. It usually occurs in the first stages of a man-woman "romantic" relationship. This love is based more on physical traits. Say a person says he has "fallen in love" for a woman, because "she looked like an angel" (sheesh). Or a woman "falls in love" for a guy because he is intelligent, has good breeding, etc. The weakness with this type of love is obvious. It is based more on "self-benefit", of what can benefit you rather than the other person. This is "I love you because it feels good, and makes ME happy loving you." See? The keyword is the word "ME". When that person doesn't "feel happy" anymore in loving that person, she/he is led to believe that she/he has "fallen out of love". Actually, there was never "true love" in the first place. The fact is love by feelings alone cannot be called "true love" simply because they do not know each other that much yet.
He also said that when two people feel this strong emotional attraction towards one another, though they barely really know about each other's personalities. A person usually puts her/his best foot forward, showing only her/his good side. In order to be sure if "true love" exists, two people must know and accept each other’s good and bad traits.
What we need to be careful of is assuming a relationship must be "real love" just because it is romantic, because all we feel is happiness. As with most anything in life, we must learn to use both our heart and mind to judge if something is real. Be careful also of being in love with the "concept of love" itself, rather than for who the person is. TV, movies, media has "romanticized" so much it is often hard to see reality from fiction. You must love a person for her/his uniqueness, not because you simply want to feel the joy of "being in love." Such a love is concerned more with the "self" rather than the partner.
Over-relying on pure emotion without the balance of logic is a recipe for failure.
I Corinthians 13:4-8a gives us a biblical reflection of what love is. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…
I heard a sermon that was a real eye opener. The speaker said that women had to be careful because a woman would help a man to deceive her. Sisters keep your eyes opened while dating. I’m not suggesting that you walk around like Inspector Gadget but be careful to not force the guy into lying to you. If a person truly loves you and not shy about showing his emotions, his actions will speak louder than his words. In other words, you won’t have to beg him to come visit you or spend quality time with you. Also you want have to revert to pulling the petals off of your flowers to gain insight on whether He loves me, he loves me not.
I would love to hear from you and feel free to leave your comments. My Vision and Inspirational Planner is a great self esteem builder and can be ordered on the sidebar by Cheryl D. Forrest